The comments on my latest video are the most consistently lengthy comments I've ever had. But I love them. I hope I'm not coming on too strong in this comment conversation with Michael. The whole subject gets me really heated which makes me express my opinions enthusiastically, so even when I intend to be respectful it can look like I'm being aggressive. I appreciate the respectful opinion-sharing, Michael! I promise I'm not trying to stab you through the screen, I really do appreciate the conversation and your opinions! I just disagree.
Anywho. Know what's awesome? Hot chocolate with cinnamon in it. And I have a bigass mug of it so I'll probably either be in a coma or bouncing off the walls within the hour. I lead a really fascinating life.
College is awesome. I wish I talked to my friends more. The ones who don't live here.
You know what's a funny saying? When people tell you to grow some balls and mean "toughen up." Is there anything LESS tough?? I mean it's not men's fault in the slightest, it's just a biological thing. But somehow we equate men with being tough, and that's the distinguishing feature between a man and a woman I suppose? Just saying.
My mind is everywhere except my homework right now. There's this problem where I have tons of time between my classes so I'm like, "I can totally do this tomorrow." Which I can, no problem. But then I sit here wasting time, half-attempting to do it instead of closing my laptop and picking up a book or skyping a friend (Abbie). Things so much bigger than me keep happening and I'm trying to get used to it. Also, trying to be taken seriously. Being a five-foot-tall girl without any particular strength makes that tough. Especially when my instrument is as big as I am (I forget how dumb I look carrying it until someone who isn't used to me makes a comment). I basically can't afford to be dumb or sub-par because I'm in settings where people don't know me and have no reason to respect me until I give them one. That will be the worst thing about being last chair. I know someone has to be, but it breeds assumptions. Like, this is what I DO, I should at least be decent at it. And if my wrist keeps trying to make me stop practicing and I'm just like No, that's not an option. Shut up.
Wow. This has been an Insecurity Session with Emma. If I were a musician, I'd put out an album called The Insecurity Sessions. Maybe. I just think it sounds cool.
I'm gonna go think about stuff and get nothing done.
Face forward, move slow / Forge ahead. -The Captain, Guster
I assure you I wasn't upset or feeling disrespected. I find the social issues that go along with gender are very complex and my brain doesn't entirely agree with itself, so any loathing was entirely self-loathing
ReplyDeleteNo self-loathing allowed! You're right, they ARE complex and there is a LOT to consider when forming opinions.
ReplyDeleteYou should let me name all of your albums. Just me. I've got a stock of awesomeness you should let me tap for that. :D
ReplyDelete