Mah Feelz

Song of the Day: Into the Sunshine by Julia Nunes

Complainy bloooooooog. Haha. Bloog.

Here are my reasons to complain:
-I am sleepy because I got home late last night and didn't fall asleep for a long time
-My private teacher told me YESTERDAY that I need to use a different accompanist than the one I've had for a couple of weeks. That involves filling out forms and making payments and eck.
-The recital is coming up on the 31st. Now chances are that next to no people will show up because it's in the afternoon and not the evening, so I suppose that lowers stress levels. Still.
-I didn't eat well today. I've been trying so hard to be better. I got some strawberries in me though, so. That was good.
-I keep thinking about all the money I have to spend before the fall and it makes my stomach feel like a grape turning into a raisin on fast-forward. Rent, double rent, new bed, train tickets, food, all with no income.
-Core graduation requirements. I appreciate a rounded education, but it's already going to take me a million years to get my degree. YOU ARE NOT HELPING.
-My roots are getting ridiculous and I need to dye my hair back to my original color. I want to stop damaging it as it gets longer, and honestly I want to stop relying on my hair so much to determine how I feel about myself. I feel like I only like looking in the mirror to see my pretty red hair, and it's not even mine. I don't want that to be the case.
-I left my gorram water bottle at school AGAIN. Those cost like $20 apiece. I REALLY hope I can find it on Monday. I know exactly where I left it, but it will have been moved. Hopefully to the lost and found.
-I danced to a song today and I was out of breath by the end. SO out of shape. Fuck you, mono.

Here are my reasons to be happy and grateful:
-I got in late last night because I was seeing an awesome show with my sister. Good show, quality sister time, Dick's, wedding talk.
-I feel fairly confident about my piece for the recital. It's not difficult to play, but it's difficult to play WELL. It's slow, so I have to be really precise about everything. But I honestly think I can do it.
-My appetite is back after a hiatus of a few weeks.
-I have been pretty good about putting money away, so I HAVE the money for these things. I just don't want to use it all and worrying about money makes me feel grown-up in the worst way and so unprepared for the Big Scary World.
-While I may be stressed about fitting everything in, I AM eager to learn things whether or not they're related to my major. The world is amazing and wonderful and awful and huge and varied and I want a double scoop of it on a waffle cone with sprinkles.
-I'm excited to work toward a mental state wherein I'm confident without relying on my hair. Time to stop being drizzle and start being a hurricane, yeah?
-There's really no upside to the water bottle thing.
-I danced today.

I can feel myself getting better all the time. Physically and mentally and emotionally. There are bumps and twists and things suck sometimes but then they rock and it's like, okay, those sucky things were worth it and I'm glad I learned from them. It's kind of incredible to feel myself growing and stretching in different ways and making achievable goals for my future. Okay. This post is long enough. And I feel a bit better.

Oh hey, another reason to feel good: Abbie is coming home in a few weeks! So excited for those two weeks in July. All of the fun times with my favorite lady.

I better see you run / As far, as fast as you can / watch you fall / pick yourself back up again / And turn around to face the past / that put you there / And I'll thank God that it wasn't fair. -To the Damsels: Run, Julia Nunes