Song of the Day: Bridge Over Troubled Water by Simon & Garfunkel
So Michael and I were talking about some silly ideas his aunt has, and I jokingly said I'd write an essay about why she was incorrect. But I think my reasons for never being interested in dating someone I met on the internet are very logical and I haven't really hashed them out here yet, so...yup.
1. Distance. I would never enter into a long-distance relationship if that's how it started out. Obviously my own relationship will soon have about 6 hours between its participating parties, but I'm okay with that (not exactly happy about it, mind you) because by then we'll have had about 9-10 months of ACTUAL relationship under our proverbial belts. A relationship that starts as a long-distance one is extremely difficult to continue because you can never see that person; you never get to hug them or kiss them. You don't get to go to movies together or have date nights or just sit and do homework together. You (most likely) have to worry about time differences when you call them. I just feel like every time you saw each other in real life, you'd have to get comfortable with them all over again. If you got to know each other in person, I think it makes a period of long distance a bit stronger because you have a stronger bond that makes you committed to making it work.
2. False/incomplete identities. This sort of ties in with distance, I guess. But it's really hard to genuinely get to know someone over the internet, at least on a dating level. Like, you can only have a hypothetical relationship. You can talk about how you both love hiking, but you can't go on one together and get the bonding experience of overcoming a challenge together. You can't cuddle, you can just say "I wish we could cuddle." And when the hell are you supposed to say "I love you?" That's something that comes out naturally during a quiet moment together (unless you're Elizabeth Swan, then it happens right before a hanging). Call me old-fashioned, but I just don't think you get the full effect of someone's company without, you know, their company. You miss out on their mannerisms and how they treat you physically. What if your boyfriend is super gropey and you have no idea? I have friends on the internet whom I trust and who trust me, and I wouldn't hesitate to call them my friends, but isn't it a little odd to say you've never met your boyfriend/girlfriend?
3. Bad References. As the good friend of a fairly prominent internet personality, I've seen multiple relationships that started via the good ol' internet. None of them lasted long. One of them went particularly poorly, but I'd rather respect her privacy by not divulging the details of that particular one. I think the reason her current one is working out is because they can see each other on a semi-regular basis. I've seen other people be like, "You can totally get to know someone on the internet!" And my response is alway that you only get to know what they want you to know. You see the strengths they want to display and the weaknesses they are comfortable with sharing. They may share everything and they may not, but you'll never get the depth of character that you get from physically being with someone.
This is too long. But there are my reasons. I would never date someone I met on the internet for those reasons, but I am more than happy to be FRIENDS with people I meet on the internet in spite of them. "But Emma, friendship is still a strong bond." Yes, but it's a very different bond and requires different levels/types of vulnerability that, in my opinion, require the other person's physical company.
Banks out.
Too lazy to find post-relevant lyrics today.
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I don't particularly like being excluded from possibility, but I understand your reasoning. I'm not sure if you're arguing that a person met via the internet is inherently undateable though. It seems more like you're saying the relationship itself couldn't be maintained due to the lack of intimacy and/or problems of distance created by the internet.
ReplyDeleteI agree that a romantic relationship can't work over the internet solely. However, I believe that if both parties were willing to work at it, I don't see why a relationship couldn't start via the internet. Like, if two people who had met online decided (hopefully after much thought and things) to make their circumstances so that an intimate relationship was possible, would that be unreasonable?
I will admit, the whole internet relationship thing is appealing to me, because actual people make me nervous, especially girls, but I'm fully aware of the impracticality of it. All I really think about this is that I don't think it's advisable to say, "never" in this case, because that is excluding a lot of possibilities.
No, internet people are not inherently undateable because they are humans just like the ones you know in real life.
DeleteBy "change their circumstances," do you mean like, moving closer together? I guess that's plausible. Or just working it out so they visit regularly? Also possible, if you have the money for it. Again, I'm not saying it's completely impossible and no one should ever do it, I'm saying that because of who I am and what I want out of relationships (when I want them at all), interweb dating is not for me.
That's what I mean. Say my Canadian girlfriend and I decided to get serious after we had spent some actual time together. One of use could relocate. (as irony is hard to convey via text, I'm joking about the Canadian gf. Mine's in China xD) I definitely realize that would be a huge commitment. I just think two people could meet via the internet and get to that point.
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