So my dad just said that he and my mom think Anya's time is coming to an end. Great.
Her hips have been in bad shape for a long time, and it's clear that she's in a lot of pain when she gets up and lays (lies?) down. She does this thing, usually only when one of us is home, where she'll follow us around and whine. We let her out, we pet her, but still she whines. I don't know if she's telling us she's in pain or she's scared but it's hard because there's nothing we can do.
I think it hadn't crossed my mind because she seems to still be there mentally. She still gets excited to see me when I come home and all that. Tess was such a wreck before she died that we were all just really prepared for it; I was kind of caught off-guard when my dad brought up Anya. I think it's a combination of her awareness (which Tess lacked) and the fact that her health declined so gradually, whereas Tess's dropped really suddenly. I had time to get used to it each time something was wrong with Anya.
God damn. Anya's been with me since we moved here. 14 years is a long life for a big dog. And I know that. I sort of feel selfish for not considering just how much pain she's been in. My dad said he and my mom discussed having her put down while my mom is in California, but apparently she thought it might be too much for me to be in a completely empty house while my dad is at work. I'm not saying it wouldn't be hard, but I'm not as delicate as she seems to think. I'm not as delicate as she is. At any rate, they seem to have decided that we'll take her in a week or two after my mom gets home. It's just...she doesn't seem THAT unhealthy. I don't want to put her down before she's ready. But I don't want her to be in pain anymore, either.
Yeah, there's just no way for this not to suck. At least I'll have a few weeks to get used to the idea. It won't make it easier, but pain is better than pain accompanied by shock. Mind you, I say this as someone who hasn't really had to deal with either very much in her life.
Night has always pushed up day / You must know life to see decay / But I won't rot, I won't rot / Not this mind and not this heart. -After the Storm by Mumford & Sons
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