I've noticed something on the internet, namely the YouTube community, that drives me up the wall. It's the tendency of viewers to poke their noses into the personal lives of the people they follow. At the front of my mind is the Kristina/Luke/Ingrid issue, but I've noticed it in other cases too.
On Luke's first VALA video, the top rated comment was about how Ingrid was hiding from Kristina and how tense everything was. WHY would you comment on that? As far as I can tell, Luke and Kristina were pretty quiet and civil about their breakup as far as broadcasting it on the internet, and they probably did that for a reason. But people feel the need to know EVERYTHING without giving a second thought to the effect their questions will have.
If someone wants to share certain details of their personal life, then fine. They should be ready for the questions they get. But if they don't share, they don't want attention on that particular subject. I think we, as viewers, get into this mindset that we deserve to know everything about the people we see on the screens, even start to think we DO really know them. Guess what? In videos, you see a scripted, edited version of a person. Not necessarily a fake version, but an edited one. You see exactly what they want you to see. That's a positive thing; it saves the viewers from listening to long, disjointed videos full of "um's." But we also have to acknowledge that that means there are things you don't know about the vlogger, and that there's a reason you don't know those things. Just like you don't tell random people on the street about your most recent heartbreak, vloggers don't necessarily want their thousands of viewers knowing stuff like that.
The other side of this that annoys me is that we make it into such a big deal. "OH my GOSH, they BROKE UP? She must be HEARTBROKEN. How DRAMATIC." Guys. People go out, then they break up and get together with other people. Dating is shopping for a spouse. If you try something on and it doesn't fit, you put it back on the rack and try another size. The first one just isn't right for you. Sometimes there's only one size left of a shirt you really love, and it doesn't fit you, and that sucks a little more. But now you have a clearer idea of what you're looking for, so that's good, right? But you don't run through the store yelling, "EVERYONE! I JUST TRIED ON THIS SHIRT AND IT DIDN'T FIT! I WANTED TO KEEP THIS SHIRT FOREVER! WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!?" Because that gets you kicked out of the store forever.
It occurred to me a while back that I didn't know why Kristina and Luke had broken up, whether it was just your average breakup or if somebody fucked up. And I could have asked Kayley. But I decided I didn't need to know. If I were friends with Kristina it might have mattered more, but I've only met her a couple times and don't really know her. So I had no right to demand details about her personal life. I mean I hope nobody got hurt, and if they did I hope things are okay now, but it's really not my business. And I wish I could show this post to the person who asked Kristina on her Tumblr, "Are you and Luke still together? Are you jealous of Ingrid?" Like, really? If you don't know whether someone is dating someone else, you're not close enough to them to expect personal details like that.
With YouTube celebrities and Hollywood celebrities alike, I think people tend to dehumanize them while worshipping them at the same time. If you met someone a few times, you wouldn't suddenly ask, "I notice that you're walking next to another girl every time I see you in public. Are you just a total manwhore?" It's sort of like Facebook relationship statuses; the second someone goes from being "In a relationship" to being "single," the status is bombarded with comments going "What happened?" "I'm so sorry!" Everyone just assumes the worst POSSIBLE thing happened. If the person didn't tell you what happened, it probably doesn't matter much to you. And if it does, they're not going to say so on Facebook. You don't need to be loud and obvious to prove you're someone's friend. Just prove it to THEM; call them and ask if they need to talk. Just because a vlogger responded to your comment once doesn't make you besties, so don't demand that they confide in you. I think it's fine to offer an ear if someone needs to talk, that is a decent human thing to do. But acknowledge that in the latter case, they have friends in real life that can listen to them. There's nothing wrong with offering sympathies but, in my opinion, there IS something wrong with expecting a stranger's life to be an open book for you to enjoy. Either imagine people complexly or don't imagine them at all.
I saw you in the woods in June / Your face so sweetly out of tune / I thought you were the sun at noon / But when I lost you, oh, you were the moon. -Leaving New York, Liam O'Brien.
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