I had my last piano lesson today. It struck me that I haven't had to deal with many "lasts" since high school ended. There was Harry Potter, but that was a different sort of ending. That didn't require speaking on my part. When it's the last time I'm likely to see someone, I'm actually really no good with goodbyes. With my piano teacher I managed a "Thank you so much," but in most cases it's even less. When I'm faced with the chance/opportunity/whatever to tell people how I actually feel I back the hell out. "Hi, my name is Emma and I'm emotionally unavailable."
THE POINT is that it made me realize that there will be a lot of lasts headed my way in the next few weeks. I'm picking up my last paycheck tomorrow, I'll eventually be spending my last night in my bed at home (assuming I never have to move back home because I'm so poor, knock on wood). The one I'm most worried about is my last cello lesson. My teacher and I have become so close and she probably knows me better than anyone in my family, even without my having to tell her things. She's improved my confidence so much. Whenever I'm not giving 100% she says, "No kinda." She's worked really hard to help me show how much I love my music, which is one of my biggest hurdles (again with the emotional unavailability). But I'm doing my best to apply the "no kinda" attitude to life outside of music, too. Maybe I should get her a card; I can express myself much better *read "honestly"* in writing than verbally. My friends generally get no spoken affirmation of how much I love them, and then it all comes spilling out in Christmas and birthday cards xD
Welp, my blackberry cobbler is ready to exit the oven. This has been a post.
So we'll go walkin' but nobody's talkin' / 'Cause everything just seems clear. -Track 03, The Harmed Brothers (The CD was homemade and the tracks weren't named)
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