I'm really not looking forward to packing up my room. The last 14 years of my life are in this room (technically I was in the bigger room for a while, but my sister and I switched and the IMPORTANT years were in this room). I am also a pack rat. I just have so much stuff. Stuff I don't need, but can't seem to get rid of. I still have my baby blanket for no reason. It's not like I ever use it.
One of the biggest issues will be my stuffed animals. For a while, I was INSANE over my stuffed animals. At the moment they're being stored in the basement. But I know that when I have to take them out and get rid of them, I'll have a specific reason why I should keep each one. There are a few that I simply won't be able to get rid of (the leopard my grandpa gave me, Lady from Lady & the Tramp who I still insist has healing powers, the lion that's as big as I am). It's going to be awful to get rid of the others, but I know I'll have to. I used to play with them and in doing so I gave them personalities. So it feels like they have emotions and will be hurt if I donate them. TOY STORY 3, GUYS. Maybe I'll just stash them somewhere and give them to my sister's kids one birthday at a time.
Then there's the stuff on my walls. Some of it I can get rid of, some of it I can take with me. Some things I'd like to put somewhere other than my walls, but where? If I'm honest with myself I won't scrapbook it. I only just have enough patience to put all my ticket stubs into a journal. But I have drawings my friends made me, signed playbills from musicals, photobooth reels, blah blah blah. Ok, this is the extent to which I keep stuff: Summer of 2008 I worked at a daycamp. After camp one day the other leaders in my group and I were prepping for a craft the next day, and one guy was goofing off making a little box growl and snap at us. We drew some teeth on it and glued empty water balloons to the top to look like eyes. That was the extent of the box monster's life. THE DAMN THING IS SITTING ON MY SHELF. I just keep everything, like I'll forget about it if I don't. And the thing is, I kind of think I WOULD forget if I didn't keep all this stuff.
I think I just need to close my eyes and throw it away. I get too attached to a lot of things, because I idealize and romanticize everything (except, ironically, romance itself). I think I've made this place too permanent, which is making the realization of its temporariness suck all the more.
I seriously remember where I got every single thing in this room. How am I supposed to just let go of that?
You know what else I should throw out? Sentimental Emma. She writes annoying posts. Literary Emma is now going to go read "The Warlock" by Michael Scott, and Polite Emma bids you a pleasant evening.
Well all these times, they come and go / Alone don't seem so long / Over ten years have gone by / We can't rewind / We're locked in time. -Do You Remember, Jack Johnson
You'd better not throw out sentimental Emma or angry Michael will yell at you (or more likely just be silently angry at you).
ReplyDeleteBut she's soooo whiiinyyyyyy.
ReplyDeleteThat's why you've got all of Abbie, she's good at listening when you need it and smacking sense into you when you need it more.
ReplyDeleteI think I need the smack more often than not xD
ReplyDelete